The Scream

March 2, 2015

A first post is always hard. I've had several blogs since I was 13 years old, most of them only known to a few close friends. No matter how may times you start one, the first post is the hardest.

I am 24 years old, a mother to two wonderful boys, a wife, and a stepmother.  I started The Outnumbered Nest to become a sanctuary for me in this life. As my last child was born in January, I became very outnumbered in this house.   But before we get there let's start at the beginning of this story....

October 3, 2010. A day I will never forget.  The blue crossed lines changed my life forever. The day I found out I was pregnant, I wanted to cry. I had never seen my life with children in it.  Even as a young girl, I hadn't wanted children...but here I was 19, still in college, and holding a pee stick that says "You're going to be a mom."  I went back to work, telling my best friend Erika, and still shaking. I knew the options; Keep, Adopt, Abortion... three options.  I easily decided to keep, but I knew telling my family wouldn't be easy. And it wasn't. Many were upset at the news, and even had friends that were "ashamed" of my decision.

Many nights I would cry, even wondering if I had made the right decision in keeping this child growing inside me. I worried if I would be able to make it.

I prayed for a girl, knowing that I knew more about girls than I did boys. A few months into the pregnancy though, I hit a bump. The doctor called me and told me that the test for down syndrome had come back and I would need to have a more in-depth ultrasound down, but that it was likely he would have down syndrome. Again tears flooded me, I wasn't prepared for this. Thankfully my mother, my biggest supporter, was there and helped get me through the next few days until the ultrasound.

At 20, about 5 weeks away from his delivery
My father, stepfather, mom were all at the ultrasound with me.  Everyone reminding me that everything would work out, God is in control. The doctor performed the ultrasound and told us that there was about a 90% chance that the baby would not have down-syndrome but that he could not promise nothing of course. However, if I wanted to know the sex of the baby he could tell me. I shook my head yes, still silently wishing for a girl. He said, "'s a boy and here is his boy part." Pointing on to the screen...  At that same moment the baby kicked me as if to say "hey I'm okay." And from then on, I didn't cry anymore. I wanted this baby, I wanted to protect him... and I wasn't even all that upset that it was a boy.

Fast forward to May 24th 2011. 6 a.m. I am checking into the hospital, after several days of laboring off/on. I had been to the hospital just days before because of the back labor but they had sent me home. Now, I was being induced and I couldn't wait to hold this little baby in my arms.  For most of the day, things went fine. My epidural had been a pain, because it had to be done twice.  Some time in the afternoon, I informed a nurse that the contractions were starting to hurt and she says she'll go ask a doctor and be back. She comes back, bumps up my medicine and I get so hot. My mom helps takes blankets off me and notices my feet are so swollen and ask if I can feel them, I shake my head no. She tells me she'll be right back, she's just going downstairs for a bit.

It was moments later that a nurse comes rushing in, she can't find Monkey's (his nickname) heartbeat. She starts having me roll side to side, and then I lose focus. I start passing out. She places and oxygen mask on my face. (The next few minutes are a combination of my bits and pieces and others).  My stepmom, my grandmother, and the nurse are all rolling me side to side. Trying to get me to talk, trying to get Monkey to do something... to react. Nothing. My mom comes running in and starts trying to talk to me as well.

In the hallway, my first time to hold my child.
1 Day Old Beauty
My doctor,who had just performed a c-section, comes in and immediately knows that something is wrong. She starts telling them to get the OR ready, and they are telling her it's not ready (remember she had just delivered in there) she explains she doesn't care. She jumps onto the edge of my bed, as people begin rushing me down the hallway. I remember lights and people talking... I remember praying. I remember hearing the nurses and doctors saying to get me stable because the baby was probably not going to make it, to make sure to have children's on the phone and a med flight might be needed. 

My mother was not allowed in the room, for the fear that monkey was already dead... he hadn't responded for 15 minutes.  An anesthesiologist stood beside me, constantly stroking my hair and telling me it would be okay...even though I could tell in his voice he wasn't sure.  I wanted to cry, and couldn't. I wanted to scream, and couldn't. Time stood still, until I felt pressure and heard the greatest sound in the world. His scream.  The simple scream that meant so much to me. My doctor started yelling, tears in her voice. "He is here DeAnna! He is here and he is perfect and healthy!"  Finally, things started calming down. I could hear his screaming, my eyesight still blurry but I could make out his simple features. I knew he had my nose ... my lips. I knew he was perfect. The anesthesiologist leaned down and asked me his name. I told him "Jaxon". He said that he would remember his name because it was a miracle he was even here. (A few days later as I was leaving the hospital, he came to me to see that we were all still okay, and told me he wrote Monkey's name down in his bible.) Many of them that were in the operating room that day came and told us goodbye, because they were all amazed.

The scream... the baby cry scream.... it changed my life. I didn't think I wanted a child, but I didn't know how much I wanted him until after he was almost taken away from me not once...but twice. Since that day he has been my light, my sole purpose, and my everything. I have protected him and loved him as much as any one person can. I am so glad that my life changed in 2010.

I didn't know that in just a few years that my life would be ruled by boys... but that is another story for another day.


  1. Wow, what a powerful birth story and with a happy ending!

  2. Thank you so much, it was extremely emotional...

  3. WOW. Just Wow!!! I was tearing up the whole time reading this post! I'm so thankful for that baby scream too! Jaxon Case has grown into such a sweet and fun loving little boy, and I can't imagine your life without him.

  4. Incredibly raw and honest. These are the posts that encourage others in their relationship with Christ and it takes a certain courage to write them. Thanks for that!

    1. Thank you! It was a very hard post to write! But his birth is a testimony, and one I knew needed to be shared.


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