April 23, 2015

"Time passes quicker as you get older so enjoy it." Is a phrase I grew up hearing from the elders of the family. I would listen as they told stories of how summers used to seem forever long, and now a year would flash by in an instant. A few of them even stated how time went even faster as they watched their children grow. I didn't understand it then, but I do now.

When I was a child I can remember thinking that the school year would never end, and when it did that the summer was going to be here forever. Vacations seemed years long and days where I was so bored would be the death of me. I remember thinking how high school would never end, or how I would never get over a heartbreak. Looking back on it now, they are fleeting moments.

When I found out I was pregnant with Monkey, his pregnancy seemed to last forever. Then on the day he was born and I looked back on it; it was such a short time period in my life. The same goes for Bugs.  When Monkey was little, I'll admit I probably didn't "enjoy" him being little as much as I should. I was with him always but I was always wishing he would do something... roll over, walk, talk, learn to use the bathroom. I never stopped to just enjoy his slobbery kisses. It's something I vowed to do when Bugs was born because Monday I enrolled my baby in Pre-School.

We were getting ready to go to the school  and I was doing the check off: diapers, wipes, change of clothes, jacket for Monkey, his Nabi for when we went to Nana's afterwords, when Monkey comes into the living room. He looks up with me with his big blue eyes and I notice he has his backpack packed full of toys and his shoes are already on.

"I'm ready for school mom." He says and smiles. "My backpack ready... I packed toys. All big boys need a backpack for school."

I wanted to cry. He was ready. He is ready.  I told him he was doing a great job and loaded them up in the car. I filled out the necessary paperwork and got him registered. His heart was broken when I told him he couldn't stay.

"But I'm a big boy, Mom-Mom." (For some reason he doesn't say Momma... he calls me "Mom-mom".)

"I know you are, Monkey, but you can't stay today. They aren't ready for you yet. Let's go get lunch and we'll head on out to Nana's. "  With that he sighed and got in the car telling me what he wanted for lunch.

The truth is, the school is ready for him. He is ready for the school.  I'm not ready for it yet. The idea that he will no longer be with me during the day, he will no longer be my "baby" crushes me. I know it's a part of life, but it seems just yesterday I brought him home.  When I was a single mom he was the one thing that made me smile at the end of the day. Everything I did was for him, and we are extremely close because it was just me and him for a long time. He was my strength, and now here he is ready to start a new journey. I know I'll be okay, and I'll put on my brave face  his first day of school. I just wish somehow I could make this summer last forever. Monkey would still be at home and Bugs wouldn't get any bigger. Life does past much to quickly, especially when you have children, so remember to enjoy the moments. Even the ones that make you feel like your going to lose your mind, because those are the ones you look back on and miss.

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