Leaving Others Behind

June 16, 2015

Once upon a time, I worried deeply about what others thought. Was I pretty enough? Thin enough? Did I act "cool" enough?  I always made sure I never denied my faith in God but I didn't want to be that one girl that didn't get invited places because of the faith. I wanted to fit in and have friends. I worried what others would think if I wanted to go to church more, study the bible more, listen to Christian radio. So I didn't.  When I had my first son , I knew God was with me. He whispered it would all be okay. I still ignored him. I went through many struggles And prayed thru them- each time he delivered but I never changed like I said I would. After broken relationships and getting away from many friends and being on my own I prayed again for someone to come into my life. I wanted a husband, a partner. But I knew he couldn't just love me. He had to love Monkey too. 

Once again God answered and sent everything I was asking for. It was sometime during the wedding planning and pregnancy with Bugs that I picked up my bible and started reading. I literally just picked it up and started in Genesis. 

Immediately I felt happier and more at peace. As a couple we started attending church, when we can. We worried how we would afford another child but I prayed hard. So far it's been 5 months since I've had to work. We aren't rich and some nights I literally don't know how we will make it but then we do. 

I've learned I no longer care what others think. If they think it's cool or not.  I'm not doin this for them- I'm doin it for myself and my family. I've learned my favorite place is at home. I have even learned to love maintaining it. I love watchingy children grow. I didn't complete a four year degree- just my two year. And sometimes I get down about that. 

I was telling my grandmother this and she asked me what do I want in life. I told her a mother, wife, and I wanted to be spiritual. She smiled and said that sounds like a good woman to her, so that's what I'm striving for. I'm going to faulted and I know that. I don't pretend I won't.  But I'm leaving those that don't want me to be this way on my past.  I hope they find the way too, but this is the day I decide to do what's best for my family. 

Busy as a Bee

June 12, 2015

Being a stay at home mom is no joke! I am so much busier with cleaning,kids, cleaning up after the kids, and everything I have to do then I ever was working. Working was tough but man this is exhausting. I never get a break and I wouldn't change it. 

My little dude Monkey turned four in May. He is signed up for pre-k and has gotten into the "let's see how far we can push it stage." Where did my baby go ? He used to think I hung the moon, now I'm a demon who won't let him go to town in nothing but his underwear. (Really, I'm evil ) . But at night I still get told how much he loves me so all is forgotten. 

Bugs is getting big. Breast feeding is going great. He just turned 5 months and can roll (when he wants too). He loves to stand and puts everything in his mouth. 

Life is good and I'll be back blogging more soon. 

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