January 15, 2016

This has seemed to become a trend along the interwebs, the novels, and yes even myself. I recently commented about wanting to find purpose in everyday life. What does that mean, you ask? Honestly, I’m still figuring out for myself. But let’s take a moment to look at the word “purpose”.
pur·pose ˈpərpəs/ noun 1. 1. the reason for which something is done or created or for which something

With that in mind, we are all searching for our purpose. Why are we here? What am I supposed to do with my life? I think part of my problem of not being able to find my purpose, was because I was looking at the wrong purpose.

For years, I’ve chased the wrong idea of purpose. I believed purpose=success=lots of money with a fancy job. I did the college thing, even graduated with my Associates Degree. But let me tell you, I hated every minute of it. I was depressed, it was boring, and the sad part about it all was that I was exceeding at it. Everyone thought because I made the grades every semester, then that must be what I was supposed to do. Never mind the fact that it made me miserable, or that I would change my major every semester. When I would suggest that I wanted to be a cosmetologist, I was told I was “too smart” for that. When I said I wanted to be a CNA, I was told to “do nursing because you are so smart.” I never wanted to go to a college, a technical school to get a training-sure. I liked the idea of that. I liked the idea of coming out with some sort of training, why? I don’t know.

I ran around the circle of “being too smart” for anything I wanted to do, until it drove me nuts. Monkey was born in May 2011, in the following December I obtained my Associates, and in Feb 2012- I dropped out. There I said it. I dropped out. I knew my decision would probably cause a lot of negative thoughts towards me, but I didn’t care. Once again it wasn’t because I didn’t have the grades. Because I never made past a B on anything. It was simply because I was not happy.

When I had Monkey, I felt a tingle in my belly. I knew that little boy was mine, but I don’t know, or maybe I was ignoring the facts at first. I knew I was a mother. Then I became a wife. And a mother to another. Still while searching for this “purpose” that would make me successful.

Finally, after several mornings of coffee time with Jesus, I realized something. That is my purpose. For right now, I’m not saying that it won’t change, as the kids get older and when they need me less. But for right now, my purpose is here in this house with my boys surrounding me. I am meant to be the wife to B. Lord knows, he waited years to have one and he wanted me. I wanted him. The lord chose us to be together! He knew what he was doing. We are two peas in a pod. Monkey and Buggy, they are my purpose. I am meant to be a mother. Those two precious souls were given to me-and me only. No one on this earth has had/or will have them. They were sent to my womb. They were sent for me to nurture, argue with, cuddle up next to, and watch them grow. They are my purpose. My family. If you looked at me from the outside, would you see a lot of money? Heck no. We don’t have it. We pay our bills each month, have groceries in the pantry, a roof over our heads and cars to drive and that is all we need. We are happy. Does that make me successful? Yes it does! My success doesn’t come in dollars in cents. My success comes with things that my house is filled with. The house that may not be as big, or new as others is filled with love and laughter. It is filled with messes from creating and doing. It is filled with half burnt cookies because Momma was trying to chase the baby and Monkey was trying to jump off the couch. It is filled with memories that can’t be replaced or bought.

So part of my resolutions was finding a purpose. This is what I was meant to do. Does that mean that I won’t have tough days, sure it does. But keeping this in mind, that it is the reason God put me on the Earth right now, remembering that everyday, will make my days more pleasurable and enjoyable. I will stop seeing the hustle and bustle of every day and start taking them as gifts. Success can be in many forms. Purpose can be something you think is just “every day life” . This is my purpose and my greatest success. This is my calling.

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