30 Day Blogging Challenge-Sunday Catchup

March 6, 2016

Hello all! The winter to summer transition sickness has hit this household, and I was unable to do the blogging challenge, so today is being deemed "Sunday Catchup". It will have both days 5 and 6 in it today!

Day 5-Your Proudest Moment

It took me a while to truly figure out what my proudest moment. Was it the birth of my children? No that would have been to easy. My marriage? Nope once again that’s too easy. So after a lot of consideration, my proudest moment was watching Monkey at his Christmas program this year. It was the first time (Besides the birth of my children) that I cried because of pure joy.

I watched as this small little boy, in his beautiful sweater vest get up, walked up those stairs in front of all of the elementary parents. I laughed as he stood in the middle searching hard for his family, and waved at us very proudly when he finally laid eyes on us. His small little hand waving frantically and a smile from ear to ear along with it.  His teachers took the stage, after all it is Pre-K, and watched as he got ready.

When he started singing and doing his sign language to the songs, I realized how hard he had truly worked at it. And how awesome he had been to keep it a surprise from us.  As I watched the light inside him shine, I couldn’t help but smile and even tears started coming down. That was my little boy. The little boy who had fought his way for life at birth. The little boy who picks me flowers every time he finds one. The little boy who once didn’t speak, and now does all the time. That little boy was mine, and he was doing the best he could up there. He wanted me to be proud, and I was. I was more proud of him then he will probably ever understand. I was his mama.  I’ve always been proud to be his mama, but something about that simple moment that only lasted about 2 minutes, I was extremely proud to call him mine. It wasn’t because he was doing anything different; he wasn’t being any better then the rest of them up there. It had nothing to do with that. I think it was in that moment, I knew I was a mama.  I’ve always been his mama, always will be. But at that time I watched as my baby became a boy, and I remembered all the moments we had had together in the four years of his life. The good moments, the bad moments, and in that moment I wasn’t the “young mom” or the “single mom” or any of the terms I’ve used before to describe me. No I was none of them, I was simply his proud mom. I  was proud that that was what I had created in my womb, carried in my arms, and plan to set free into the world one day.

Day 6-What Are You Afraid Of?

What are you afraid of? If I am honest, I am afraid of a lot of things. I am afraid of something happening to my children, my husband.  I am afraid of my children chocking because I don’t know if I would have the strength to help them out. I’m afraid of a lot of things. But the one constant thing that I am afraid of most is change.

I am deathly afraid of change. I have often said that I would rather work a minimum wage job, knowing I would get a small steady paycheck then go out on a limb and try for a high paying possible job if it was something like direct sales. I’m not good with the unknown. I like schedules, and predictability.  I am scared of new things, and afraid of failure. 

It’s really strange because my entire life, my family has always been 110% supportive.  My mom and grandmother have always told me, “You can do anything you set your mind too.” So why do I have this fear? I blame it on my anxiety disorder. For example, when most people go into direct sales or commission pay jobs all they can see is the positives. Working from home, great pay, being able to make your own schedule, they focus on that.... I focus on the negatives: how do I make sure to hold out enough taxes, how do I know that I will even make any money, this money won’t be steady.  I have a hard time seeing the forest because of the trees type of thing.

It was one of my reason’s for starting this blog, I wanted to step out of my circle. I wanted to try something small that may fail on my own for a moment. It’s helping, and I’m always trying a little more everyday.

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